


Painful

by Ayesha_Altugle



Series: Elements of Darkness [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dark, Darkness, Elements of Darkness, Forgiveness, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Pain, alternative universe, painful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 05:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14537670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayesha_Altugle/pseuds/Ayesha_Altugle
Summary: Remus has found out the truth of why Severus killed Dumbledore, but what should he do with the information? The logical thing would be to turn his knowledge over to the Ministry, but instead Remus goes on a journey to confront Severus himself.





	Painful

**Author's Note:**

> Elements of Darkness #5 Painful [Part 4 Betrayal is part of the same story.]
> 
> All stories in this series are unrelated unless otherwise noted.

"He's innocent," Remus whispered.

"He killed Albus, but he's still innocent." He did not care if Albus's death was still considered murder; it was different. Severus had also murdred that Death Eater, bu then again, Remus reasoned, _he did that in my defense._

Albus had begged for his death, had begged for Severus to sacrifice himself by becoming the biggest traitor to the wizarding world. Severus might not admit it, but he had agreed to sacrifice himself, because he truly did care.

He was a good man. Rude, snarky, sarcastic, hotheaded, stubborn and so many other things, but he was still a good man.

"Severus, you idiot... your life is on the line and you send me this?" Remus laughed bitterly. "Were you wanting to be found? Do you have that much guilt that you'd want to be found and punished for what you were forced to do?"

The memory was enough proof that Severus was a good man even after everything he did, but he was still a murderer. Murder was still murder even if the victim had asked for it, but hopefully it would be enough for the Ministry to let him off, but Remus knew the chances of that were low.

“I have to find him.” Somehow he knew Severus had sent this to him in hope that Remus would try everything to find him. Severus wanted Remus's forgiveness.

Was that all Severus wanted?

After the full moon, Remus knew he would be setting out for a journey he may never be able to return from.

* * *

Dating Tonks, even though Remus had never loved her the same as she loved him, had proven to pay off. Remus felt guilty for thinking that; he could not help not having the same feelings for her. He dated her in hopes of making it work between them, to have a normal life after the war. He would never be normal. He was a werewolf and he was in love with a traitor.

The Auror had secretly shared trade information with Remus and probably because of it, Remus knew how to track as good as any Auror out there. He also had his werewolf senses, making it a whole lot easier.

Going by Severus's memories, Remus knew that he had been trapped in the Shrieking Shack during the final part of the last war, and then he must have waited for cover of night to make his escape.

Remus went back to Hogwarts under the ruse of substituting for one of the Professors. It was hard going through that for a week, though Remus did it and nobody had any clue he was planning to track Severus from the Shack.

When his time at Hogwarts ended, instead of leaving the grounds, he secretly made his way to the Whomping Willow.

"Hello, old friend, it's been a while," Remus whispered as if the tree could understand, and maybe in some ways the tree could understand, because this time it did not seem to flail around as much.

* * *

Inside the Shack, Remus could smell Severus's as strong as if he were still in the room. The room was covered in his blood.

"How did you escape losing all this blood?" Remus muttered. With a sigh, Remus set off on foot, following the scent to Hogsmead. From there, he continued to follow the scent, stopping to rest in towns.

"Why did nobody check the Shack?" Remus wondered. If they had, Severus's trail would have been easy to follow. As it were, Remus had been spelling away his and Severus's scent as he followed it.

Remus was never much of a flier, though for this trip, he had to fly for most of it. He would have never been able to walk the whole route. Severus had obviously gone a great distance.

The scent was starting to become more powerful, fresher. Remus's heart was beating widely in his chest, knowing he was coming close to the end of the trail.

In Muggle America, a small town called Martinsville Indiana, Remus finally stopped traveling. The trail had stopped. Severus was hiding out somewhere close.

Following his nose, Remus ended at a small Muggle building. It was rundown, though it looked as if it was cared for. There was a garden outside and Remus almost laughed in relief when he saw what was growing in it. Ingredients for the wolfsbane potion, to any Muggle the plants would seem like any other herbs, some were quite dangerous though.

"NO TRESSPASSERS, you good for nothing hooligans!" The door slammed open, an angry man glaring down at Remus. Remus froze, the man froze. The anger on the man's face was replaced with shock and guilt. He let the door close quietly, and then he walked out to meet Remus.

Shaking, weary from his long journey, Remus looked Severus in the eyes. He noted the former Slytherin's eyes were blue, not onyx. His hair was not black anymore either, but a dark shade of brown and his skin was not as pale anymore, but a creamy tan. He was wearing Muggle clothes, though not black. A dark blue tee-shirt, and blue jean pants. He was barefoot. Despite all the changes, Remus knew this was Severus.

"You look different," Was all Remus could manage to say before he passed out.

Shaken, Severus stumbled toward his former rival, former co-worker, and the man he had thought he would never see again.  _Perfect... first time seeing each other after the war and I yell at him. Wonderful._ Severus bent down, gently picking  him up.

Severus was changed, how could he not be after everything that had happened. Though the thing that hadn't changed about him was that he could not stand most children. He had thought Remus was one of those brats who kept doing something they called “ding the ditch,” which was absurd and an annoying muggle behavior.

* * *

"How have you been?" Remus asked quietly. He looked down at his hands. He could not stop them from shaking. "I-I got your note."

"Obviously," Severus said, though he did not sound as if he were being sarcastic. "All thing considered, I've been managing." He shrugged.

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked. "Do you plan to live life as a Muggle from now on?" He wanted to reach out and touch Severus's hand, so he did.

Severus looked down, giving the hand on his a sharp look, though he did not pull away. He glanced back up at Remus and sighed. He had missed him.

"What choice do I have?" Severus answered. "It's not as bad as I would have once thought it to be, but..." He trailed off. No, he would not admit that.

He did not have to. Remus saw it in his eyes.

"Lonely."

"Yes," Severus answered. He had no strength left in him. He could not lie to Remus. Not anymore.

"I missed you Severus." Remus closed his eyes. "All I could think about was finding you and telling you that I understood what you did and that you didn't have to ask my forgiveness as there isn't any to give. You did nothing wrong.... " Remus squeezed Severus's hand. "It took me a month to find you. I flew, following your scent from the Shack. I-I forgot about the full moon and I have no potion. It's too late to brew one, it takes a month for it to be ready."

Severus stood up and then pulled Remus to his feet. "Thank you," and for the first time in decades he smiled a smile that reached his eyes.

The smile was what did it. Remus pushed toward Severus, hugging him as if he were going to vanish all over again and to his surprise, Severus did not pull away; he hugged him back.

Both men held onto each other as if the other were a life line.

When Remus finally pulled away, there were tears in his eyes. "You'll have to lock me up," He said softly, speaking of his upcoming transformation.

"I refuse to do that," Severus answered.

"But.."

"I've got so much wolfsbane potion overfilling my cabinets and I mailed you another potion Remus."

"I didn't get it." Remus laughed. "I was traveling."

"Indeed."

"Why would you send me wolfsbane potion and risk being found? There is a price on your head, Severus."

Severus glanced off to the side and if Remus did not know any better he would think the man was embarrassed. Remus smiled. Severus _was_ embarrassed; he could smell the embarrassment coming off him in waves.

"Maybe it's because I already caused you enough pain. Maybe because I care about you, ever think of that?" He said. "My pride wouldn't allow me to admit it, and now it's too late."

"It's never too late, Severus! I'm here, aren't I?" Remus asked. He made the other look at him, gently holding his face in his hands. "I came back for you and I'm not leaving without you."

"I can't go back. I'll be killed, no questions asked."

That wasn’t exactly true, Remus knew that, but Severus truly feared that was the truth.

"Then I'm staying and you can't say no."

Severus trembled, feeling like he was going to lose his ability to stand. Was Remus really admitting he cared that much about him?

"Oh no? Why can't I say no? I don't want you to be an outcast too."

"I'm already an outcast! I have been one since I was six years old!" Remus yelled. "You can't say no because I love you. You can't say no because I love you," He repeated. "Don't say no." If Severus said no, Remus knew that would be the most painful thing he had ever experienced. Having your love rejected was like a pain like none other.

Severus's eyes went wide, despite trying not to show how much those words had touched him. "I guess this works out then."

"Why?" Remus asked.

"Obviously because I love you too, even if you are a Gryffindor. I hope you are really listening, because I won't say it again." Severus scowled, though he was slightly blushing.

Remus's knees went weak and just like in one of those cheesy romance stories, he fell into Severus's arms. "Say it again," He whispered.

"No," Severus replied stubbornly.

"Please, it makes me happy."

Scowling even bigger than before, Severus groaned. "Fine, I love you, now go drink your wolfsbane potion."

"Okay!" Remus said cheerfully as if he were a school boy again and nothing bad had ever happened. It was like every bit of pain for both men had vanished.

In time, Remus would find a way to clear Severus’s name, but not until they were both ready to face the wizarding world again.


End file.
